waves and storms

After the storm comes the clean air and the tranquil sea, and sometimes even streets beautifully strewn with fallen leaves - when they have almost dried up. Cloudy days, chilly days, blustery days, or gloomy days have set the right kind of tone for winter and afterwards one gets overjoyed when there's a brief spell of sunshine. As daylight fades away and moonlight is nowhere to be seen, the imagination of darkness sets in.

these days have seen some ups and downs. good days with lots of good fun and happy moments that somehow end on an unhappy note. storms bring disruption and turbulence and whirl away certain tiny particulates and pollutants; they leave a ravaged landscape yet confer some reawakening or refreshening power. i used to hate storms big or small, natural or man-made and resist them where i could, but at some point i began to invite and encourage them in a way... they have recurred to the point where they have become part of life as if they could come and go without raising an eyebrow, as if i had become a century-old tree that might well have a hollow heart but could still, for now or maybe much longer, stand upright enough to withstand any wind--until it gives way and collapses.

Old age

Just read an article about old people on a sunday times magazine (though it's already monday night now) - a few quotes:
'We are one of the very few cultures in all the world that does not treat age as an achievement.'
'most people in this country die weepingly lonely, left in no doubt that they have overstayed their welcome. This is the greatest shame and horror of our age.'
'The cure for this youth-tormented terror is blindingly simple. Reclaim the old. Include them in our lives. The antibiotic for loneliness is company.'
'The old aren't the problem. It's the rest of us. We would rather consign them to a netherworld where they are out of mind and out of sight.'
'You really should spend an hour listening to someone who's lived twice as long as you because you'll hear something funny and clever, touching and probably astonishing.'
'We should ensure that nobody ever sits alone wishing for their own death because they know of nobody who wishes them to live.'

This is such an important issue in its own right, and more so given the aging trend in many countries. These people who have contributed to the present well-being of society get forgotten - and even abandoned.
And those 'care services' are only interested in the money.

This reminds me of the elderly's home my great grandmother was put for a couple of years before she passed away >< Its a shame. My grandmother, aunt and uncle had looked after her for a long time until it finally became very difficult. I wasn't the one caring for her so I could hardly say, but I still remember how bitterly I resented that elderly's home (a rubbish private business basically abusing its monopoly over the neighbourhood) for its inhumane treatment of the elderly and wanted to report it to East magazine, which I somehow innocently thought would be interested in these issues. That was many years ago...

Halfway through, and the superb The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: WARNING: SPOILERS

So i'm halfway through today (end of 4th week and beginning of 5th week of Hilary term - second term of the year) but i'm giving myself one day of allowance as transition to prepare myself for a desperate shift back to the right course. I mean to take action to rescue my degree! I've been lazy for too long and it's seriously terrible. I have entertained myself with enough excuses and procrastinated long enough. Yeah time to work, and otherwise i'd feel like hell at the end of the year. cant really face this myself. So this is my resolution - MUST WORK HARD!!!



It's been a month ^^ the first V day was lovely. Thank you.

SP and I saw the Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was amazing. The picture was fantastic and it would be worth going to the cinema just for that.






(one of the prettiest pics of the film - Daisy dancing in some dim light)











But the story itself is v intriguing. It raises many questions. Imagine the clock turned backwards only for you against a whole world running in a totally different direction. Thats Benjamin Button - a man who ages backwards. As I interpret it, there are three interesting themes: 1. feeling out of place ; 2. timing; 3. eternality






the young Daisy




When he was born, his mother died, and Thomas Button his dad abandoned him after a long run in desperation and confusion. He was born like an old man with a deteriorated body. Maybe it was the combination of both the horrendous aged features on Benjamin's body and the death of his wife that led the father to leave him alone on day 1. So he was born abandoned.

He was abandoned at a very kind family's door and a black lady decided to adopt him and raised him up (in fact originally motivated by the mother's failure to conceive - he was initially only a substitute in some way). He thought he was an old man for quite some time because he grew up in an elderly's home. Ironically, every part of his external appearance resembled an old man, but he was at the same time different from any other old man - he was actually a child. It was an internal contradiction coupled with this external corroborating contrast - nothing seemed to match internally or externally.

He then went on to become a seaman for a few years. He met a woman during that period, but he could only see her during the night in the hotel lobby - it was all in the dark. One day the lady however left with a note saying merely 'it was nice to have met you'.


He went back to Daisy a girl with gorgeous blue eyes he could never forget, and Daisy liked him since she was 7 despite his appearance. But Daisy had grown into a famous dancer in New York and had her own life (her own suitors and everything). He wasn't ready for her, and she was no longer available for him.


An old guy going out with a young girl - whatever love that lies within doesn't matter; it's the external incompatibility that stings. Maybe they could have worked out, but neither of them dared try. maybe they just didnt love each other enough, maybe the obstacle was insurmountable.


Benjamin learnt of Daisy's injuries in Paris, and he found her lying in bed incapacitated. She said he was perfect then - for Benjamin had grown a lot younger into the handsome Brad Pitt look, but poor Daisy had aged a lot and wrinkles started growing, and sadly the inequality was exacerbated by her injuries. She said plainly, 'I don't want to see you, and I don't want your help.' Benjamin left.


After a few years, Daisy came back to find him, and they were still passionately in love with each other. They stayed together happily for a few years - that was the only time when Benjamin's appearance matches Daisy's., and they felt right for each other.


Benjamin said, 'Nothing lasts.' Daisy replied, 'Some things last.' Maybe it would be fine from thereon.


Daisy got pregnant and gave birth to a lovely girl, Caroline, but Benjamin left them behind soon after, because he knew that he was just getting younger and couldn't be a proper father or husband - he wanted to leave before he left an indelible mark.


He started travelling again, this time on his motorbike. It looked really cool, but that belies his underlying loneliness - he has been travelling pretty much his whole life, for the reason that he felt that didn't fit in.



This feeling of not fitting in has stayed with him since his birth, and keeps him away from the people he loves.

After ten years, he came back and he was introduced to his daughter as a family friend. And Daisy was remarried to a terrific father. Though they couldn't be together again, their love for each other hadn't really dwindled. I think at that point, Daisy said to him, 'nothing lasts'.

In a way it seemed like such an irresponsible guy running away from all his responsibilities, but he did it all out of good intentions and partly compelled by his circumstances. It was probably for the better of the family that he did leave......


And later he was found in his old elderly's home, really 'an old person', but looking like a young boy gradually turning into a baby. Daisy went and started looking after him. Ironically, Daisy was like 60 or 70 but Benjamin looked like a boy - it's the contrast to the early scenes where old looking Benjamin met the young lovely Daisy.


Maybe some things really last - he found someone who could unconditionally love him finally. Benjamin also stared at her before he died as a baby - maybe he still remembered her.


How many temporal scales are there in life? We all seem to be living in the same time zone, but are we? Or is it all just apparent reality? If so does it matter?


For Benjamin and Daisy, there was only a very short period when the timing was really right for each other - how transitory. Benjamin tried to escape coz he felt he was out of place, but Daisy came back to support him when he was an old baby. Maybe that shows it doesn't matter after all, and some things do last?

There were a few really touching bits.

Benjamin's father Thomas abandoned him, and he still loved him.

Benjamin abandoned his own child, and he sent her a postcard for every birthday.

Thomas told Benjamin that he was Benjamin's father when he was almost dying.

Caroline (benjamin's daughter) was told that Benjamin was her real father when Daisy (her mother) was dying. All the cards he sent were only read after his death.

Benjamin was born abandoned at someone's doorsteps, but he died in Daisy's arms.....

More thoughts on visit to SGSS

A few very clever students were honest and sweet. Amongst many others, the favourite opening line of some presentations was 'I love your blog' and 'your blog is very meaningful' - which can't be more sincere - followed by a stark, powerful remark that 'your blog is boring' (with some helpful and constructive suggestions for improvement). I tried to humour them a bit and it was a lot of fun talking to them. Sorry if it is boring, i'm really very bad at cracking gags and promoting something - advertising is the one job i can never do i think.

Many of them actually engaged in the substantive issues esp cookery lessons, English education, art classes, student counselling, etc - but surprisingly nobody talked about equality which I think is the SINGULARLY MOST VALUABLE part of Finnish education. It is entirely due to the neglect and sloppiness in my organisation and presentation of the blog and only natural how they ended up getting attracted to the ones with more pictures.

I was surprised how much attention they showed to details in my blog - what an amazing ability to be able to pick up everything and describe it all accurately. It was very clear they had had a good read - thank you.

I was even more surprised when a good few of them had questions for me AND expressed their opinions about what they had read on my blog as well as their own education. I really hope this will help them to think about what kind of education they want for themselves, and GO FOR WHATEVER THEY WANT TO ACHIEVE :)

Some thoughts after a visit to my beloved SGSS

So I stepped foot in my alma mater again and this time I had some really interesting interaction with students from 2B, 4D and 5D. Firstly thank you Kristina for giving me the opportunity to come back and share, on top of your support and insight all along. I came with an 'official' purpose to respond to feedback on my blog and a secret informal twofold motivation of inspiring some of my juniors in my limited capacity and seeking a personal answer that might better inform my own future.

(Yes perhaps contrary to what the students might have thought, my real aim was not to talk about finnish education at all - rather i wanted to get everyone to think about what kind of education they would like as students - and that the defects in the system can to a large extent be remedied by putting in more effort themselves and knowing where they are heading towards.)

And I left SGSS feeling impressed by the promise I saw in many students I met. As much as I am naive at heart, I wish to draw on the wisdom from naruto manga how responsibility should be entrusted to the young generations - with full trust in their ability to surpass the previous generations. I certainly feel that many of them are capable of surpassing their predecessors if they apply themselves to it.

I also saw a lot of life in the young faces - they remind me of the many different stages i have been through, and how my attitudes and beliefs have changed over time. (though my look has remained as young and annoyingly immature as ever). I long for that carefree spirit, the determination and the goal I once had.

Boys and girls, I walked out realising I had learnt a lot from talking to you. I got many interesting and sincere presentations and questions from you. I genuinely appreciate all the effort that everyone has put in and thank you all for bearing with me. And your feedback has been stimulating - I seriously struggled to answer. Quite a number of you really led me to explore further and articulate my ideas much better. Thank you :)

Lakes in Finland

isn't it amazing to capture the two birds perched parallel to each other.



nice little fountain jet little flowery greeting thing which accentuated the lake just right - unlike some massive jet in G that distorts the view lol.



This is a pic i took on the night of Mid-autmn festival (+ or - one). The time for reunion, you know, and i was away. So a bit of homesickness there, and it didnt help to see a sweet sweet couple.

I just love lakes. They are purifying. Just a breeze blows away my troubles and sorrows.

In the moment

I was captivated when this woman stood there watching the lake for what must have been at least 10 minutes. That seemed to represent something about the Finns. While everyone was jogging, cycling, walking quite briskly by, she stood there alone absorbed in her world, in the moment.

She reminded me of the old lady's daughter (lunatic) walking back and forth in the lobby 50 times before she would leave the entrance. They gave a very pungent smell of urine, so it was quite a nuisance. At first i only thought they were really sad and this old mother had to look after a daughter who had gone insane for some reason. And gradually I began to realise that I was not very different in many ways - how my life goes in circles and i never seem to move on.

Reluctance, by Robert Frost

This poem is fantastic - it will probably capture my feeling when I leave oxford. These days various conversations have set me thinking, and a few lines have hit me quite hard. I guess I only need a bit more courage.

Reluctance

Out through the fields and the woods

And over the walls I have wended;

I have climbed the hills of view

And looked at the world, and descended;

I have come by the highway home,

And lo, it is ended.

The leaves are all dead on the ground,

Save those that the oak is keeping

To ravel them one by one

And let them go scraping and creeping

Out over the crusted snow,

When others are sleeping.

And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,

No longer blown hither and thither;

The last lone aster is gone;

The flowers of the witch hazel wither;

The heart is still aching to seek,

But the feet question "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of man

Was it ever less than a treason

To go with the drift of things,

To yield with a grace to reason,

And bow and accept the end

Of a love or a season?

Robert Frost

Rant about nothing 1

Over the past few weeks, I've been thinking of setting up an anonymous blog called 'Rant'. But I might as well write them here so people can commiserate, pity or despise me. This is the sixth sunday when i feel like a Perpetual Laggard - four seminars this week + a tutorial. And I still haven't done the minimum reading for one of the seminars. I have another journal to read through, a problem to do, three chapters to read + many more cases i'm supposed to have gone through and understood. Tomorrow I'll just find out how I'm the only one who's struggling (yes ironically when I'm supposed to be the one who shouldn't be.)

It feels really annoying that I'm lagging behind and more worryingly i'm getting used to it. I just go through the motions of reading, and the past five weeks i don't feel that i've been learning much. It's sad but the past few weeks seminars haven't been very inspiring at all, and my mind still lays dormant. In competition law language, my tiny brain is having a 'quiet life', and there's little innovation capacity and motivation. (I don't mean i'm a monopolist, but i've excluded myself from the competitive world here.) I suppose i came back to want to learn something, and I thought I was ready again. Apparently I'm clearly not 'up to speed', and to say the least not really tuned in at all. My attitude so far has actually been despicable. It also felt really bad that i'm back at square one. I'm supposed to have gone through so much essay training, but my first tutorial showed how much of an idiot I remain, and my English is still so crap. why, why have i bothered to come on this path to a world I struggle so hard to survive in? this is such an amazing opportunity, but amazing for what?

Oh so much for my breakthroughs that were so well intended. I wanted to do something different in my last year, but I can't believe I'm not finding my feet at all. Things are so detached, yet familiar. I'm completely not in control of my life. It's like a hot balloon that has run out of gas and is being taken wherever by the currents of the wind (and the clouds, stars, moon, and the intimidating sun aren't exactly in a position to do anything about it). I know i'm sounding really weird.

But I know things will get better. I'll manage somehow. I don't really want to be a loser and waste all these wonderful opportunities around me. I know I am interested. It's only a matter of sitting down and doing it. Like this blog, I've been meaning to write more and more, but i've been putting it off for far too long. There's so much I meant to put up here. But having so much to rush for and the deadlines to meet doesn't quite help. i know please don't point out the truth that i'm just completely escaping from reality and procrastinating without end.

I'd like to thank though, the many amazing angels around me who have been lifting me up every now and then - the wind beneath my flagging disappearing wings.

There was one amazing coincidence this friday. It was a most romantic kind of setting, when I was about to get off the coach with a rather weary body (after a fantastic, yet brief visit to london for Annabel's bday party), I saw one of my best friends in oxford M sitting there. It was like OH MY GOD, and I felt like crying. Unnecessarily sentimental i know, but u know, people cross paths with each other and don't realise until the point of farewell that they've been together in some way. So close, yet so intangible.

I must wake up and get on with it. must i?

Insights

There have been many inspiring moments/conversations/people these days.

I was very pleased today to have a very engaging debate with the participants of my workshop (which takes place every Saturday morning at my old school). It was probably the most engaging debate of my entire time with them this year and last year - a testimony to their improvement :) It was on the motion, 'Functional constituencies should be abolished.' I was very impressed by the depth of their ideas and the quickness of their rebuttal. More importantly, their brains were set in motion and the arguments both sides put forward kept advancing as the debate went on. That was a proper exchange of views and clash of ideas - very thought-provoking indeed. ^^

It started off on a rather superficial level regarding purely the representation of the interests of the industries in the legco. But we later debated on deeper questions like how the interests should be represented (by a secure vote or other ways?) and what kind of political system Hong Kong really needed (a completely democratic system with universal suffrage or a continued dwindled role of functional constituencies) and discussed the compatibility between functional constituencies and universal suffrage. It was a very dynamic debate. I'm very proud of them They are doing what I couldn't have done when I was their age. :) They are now debating in English comfortably with some scant notes. Maybe I was being too pessimistic about the change of times and all the generation comparison prejudice. Please forgive me if I have been in any way too mean.

I joined in as well to fill the numbers and it was a lot more fun getting involved myself. I hope I gave them helpful guidance without being intimidating or too much of a bully. They inspired me to think a lot and set my mind working. I was still quite rusty but debating reminded me of my days in HKU Debate team. I realised that though I didn't fully grasp the techniques then, a lot of the good models I had seen had somewhat mellowed these few years ad I matured a bit more. It's a good feeling to see that I've made some progress these years. My thinking is slowly taking shape now. I hope I can pass it on and am helping them to improve.



Another inspiring conversation was at a very congenial dinner with a very harmonious and accommodating family after my informal and non-professional attempt of legal consultation to Mr R. W. R shares a similar background to mine and their family prepared a seven dish meal for 5 people - goodness me what a tremendous effort it must have taken his mom. I have always enjoyed seeing relatives of my friends because that helps me to see where they come from - what makes them how it is now :) His family is very intelligent and observant. I couldn't believe they could actually prompt me to make a tirade and withstand it all. And I was talking about what many people find boring eg my time in oxford and all the academic struggles, as well as my Finland project and Scandinavian systems etc. It was a very sweet time and I understand a bit more now.

I guess it left me thinking about myself and comparing this experience to my own family. We're both going after a very similar route with very similar goals. We've been feeding off our families and it's our time to contribute in return for their kindness. I wonder what it will be like in ten years' time.

Maybe life is really like that

A friend of mine used to repeat all the time, 'life is like that.' I had thought that it is up to the person in a way - even for the darkest clouds, there's a silver lining. If you catch that chance and go for the opening, you might be able to escape from the cage. Of course experience only tells me that the chance doesn't show itself as "EXIT" or "AUSGANG"; even if it does, there are usually enough hurdles in your way and the chance disappears soon enough.

Youth has an appeal. A friend told me last night, 'your niche is your youth.' I keep wondering what i means. Maybe it's because I can start the race a bit earlier, and logic tells you that in a marathon, the earlier you take the lead, the easier it is to win the game. Maybe it's because I have the energy of a young man. Maybe it means every decision I make is not laden with the same burden that an older man in the same position would. But is that true?

I'm feeling rather annoyed because every decision I make now feels a lot heavier than before. The room for change is getting reduced, and every spare day is a luxury of time. Every decision has a much stronger impact, and the pressure against change is ever greater. Lets say I plunge into the legal profession as soon as I graduate, everyone tells me I won't ever be a teacher again. If I get married to someone now, I'll have to get divorced if I want to make love to someone else legally. Is the decision worth making? I don't really like commitments.

Maybe that's what is going wrong with the society nowadays. People fear commitments. And only commitments can produce some lasting relationships between people and things. And only lasting relationships will establish a meaningful product and a continuity of traditions.

It's a vague thought and a massive generalisation. But it may be the time to take things a bit more seriously.

Disconcerted

I've been meaning to avoid thinking but I guess the point has finally come when I just couldn't help but break out of the invisible box. The last couple of months have been a fairly routine period for me with my mind singularly focused on law, and pretty much law alone for the most part. And I could only achieve that by consigning my autonomous reasoning and free emotions to a quiet corner. Everything has been plain and ordinary, to the extent that it no longer feels plain or ordinary any more because the standard of comparison is lost.

Probably I haven't quite succeeded in dispelling the distracting summons because in the back of my mind it just cant help wandering off to some random territories.

It is this little greeny boy looking at the beautiful world. As I listened to the rustling leaves and gently blowing wind, wondered about the shining moon and my guiding stars, I realised this dream was probably coming to an end soon.



Yeah I implied that law has been a prison of thought for me in many ways, and it's not entirely negative to break free from this restrictive spell--or dream.

A teacher has given me some insight about 'burdens'. What he said precisely wasn't the point, but he led me to realise that there are three reactions to 'burden'. You are (1) unable to take the burden, or (2) unable to release the burden, or (3) about to take up the burden. 不是負擔不起, 而是這個擔子我發現自己是放不低, 唯有鍛煉身體, 撐住. 我說的是未來前景的問題.

I don't like the present me at all. After finals I'll have to reexamine myself.





thats an interesting expression.








That's the sign of life - the leaves sprung out in merely a week's time.

That's by the way the view from the window of my room. I'm very grateful that there's this endearing tree just outside.

The point of studying law

One of the jokes people here like to make about me is that I'm studying law because my surname is Law - fair enough, given Law is a rare surname for the English people.

As I've been spending the last four years studying law, and pretty much dedicated most of my time to it, I feel the need to justify the point of this endeavour - especially as that would give me an additional motivation for the coming exams.

To put it in hefty/idealistic/perhaps pretentious (to some)/natural lawyer's language, studying law isn't really about the professional career in itself; rather, it is the common good served by law. I still believe that legal training is very useful -

1. I can play a part in the legal services sector.
2. I can apply the wisdom of law across a broader range of fields in society.
3. I believe in the Rule of Law in the central sense.

Brilliant. I've become a massive geek and sounding as annoying as I can...

Other reasons: £? self-preservation? not exploitation of others...

Now back to the law.

With thoughts of different people, past memories and visions about the future.....

Dealing with expectations

I found myself writing this to a friend...

"we expect, and we also expect not to get what we expect. When we actually expect not to get what we expect, we do inevitably expect, in some way or the other.

But whats wrong with expecting? Even if you don't get what you expect, you do get to have the 'expectation'..."

There's one line which has affected me a lot for my entire time in oxford. That's what my cousin told me the night when I left:

'Rely only on yourself, and no one else.' I guess a mild way of putting it is 'don't expect anyone to help you'. Since then, every now and then, especially when I left the evil HK airport, I would remember this, and a twinge of pain would follow.

Life is all about expectation really - the creation of expectations (self-induced/induced by others/both) and the reaction to expectations (by yourself/by others) - in whatever area (relationships, financial matters, academic matters, emotional matters).

I've left out one possibility which is the 'absence' of expectations, which is also a massive residual group which govern a lot of our behaviour. To put it simply/metaphorically, for example, we don't expect pigs to fly, so we don't check out of the window to find a flying pig. In realistic terms, this means we don't do what is unrealistic.

But mind the 'residual' nature of 'absence' of expectations - we do have expectations most of the time, and that can be realistic or unrealistic, reasonable or unreasonable.

There are some good and bad adjectives about a person (eg greedy would tend to connote a lot of unreasonable expectations) Here we come to a different territory --> an evaluative one where we think about what our expectations SHOULD be. This is where the standard of reasonableness comes in.



So having set the ground work, what should we do to feel better in dealing with expectations?
1. have no expectation
2. get to know our expectations
3. react to our expectations properly (eg adjust our expectations internally OR take action externally to secure what we'd like to get)

It gets more complicated when there are more dimensions

4. when others induce an expectation in you?
5. when you have harboured an expectation about what others should do?

These are all questions about degree, and the equation is about a very subtle balance. Very often the balance is not struck, however, and thats why we rarely feel an optimum state.




Just to add some literary flavour, Charles Dickens has written a book about 'Great Expectations' - i probably should reread it to understand it better, but i remember reading it before coming to Ox. He explored the idea of expectations from various angles, which was very interesting, though I dont remember a thing about it now.

What I do remember now is some law relating to expectations.

The most obvious candidate is promissory estoppel/proprietary estoppel. Fun stuff because you can basically keep arguing how an expectation has turned into a legal right, in very flexible ways.

Say I promise you I'll give you all my money after I die (hypothetical), if you walk around the globe three times and you set off your lifelong journey, but I leave the lovely world before you finish the long march, and more importantly I haven't actually bequeathed/passed the money to you in my will - i've passed it to my secret lover instead.

You can probably bring a claim against my estate to claim the money in the name of 'promissory estoppel'. So be careful about what you say to others. It is ok to have expectations, but when expectations turn into something more substantial it can be a big deal.

Should we mind our own business?

The individualist:

Of course, that's the ground rule of human relationships, particularly when you're in England.

It is not right for an individual to interfere with the life of another individual. This is to respect the autonomy and privacy of another individual.

The central case of this argument could be gossip - the secret love affairs or someone's grades have nothing to do with you. Others have the right to keep whatever they like to themselves, and who the hell are you to expect me to tell you everything on my mind.

If I earn lots and buy big houses, that's how it is. Conversely, if I fuck up, I fuck up. I lead my own life; so do you.

And that's how some people experience culture shock when they ask their English friends 'how much do you earn?' or 'What do your parents do?'


Another perhaps intuitively more defensible example would be seeing your friend take drugs. Shall I stop him and give him a good lecture on the basic precepts of well being of life? Drugs are no good, my friend. Regardless of utility (as my friend might either ignore me or actually bother to pay attention), by giving advice, you're intruding into the internal sphere of someone's life. You have NO claim to impose your own values on others - within the confines of my own world, I am free to believe and think whatever, and whether you agree or disagree, my thinking should be independent of any external influence, and least by stupid morals.



The busybody/the Good Samaritan:

We are not alone in this world; we live with and for each other. Living with each other doesn't mean living separately and exclusively doing our own things. We don't live for everyone else, but there's certainly a plausible argument that we do live for people closer to us in some way, and we have some claim to others' lives.

Let's start with the stronger example as above: I'm a helpful friend and I don't want to see my friend land in drug rehabilitation centre or jail or do silly things and waste his life away. This is for sure an assertion of my own values over my friend, but that is not necessarily the same as 'imposition'. We want to help, and we don't force them to stop. We only argue for the justifiability of offering help, as opposed to doing nothing. That's a minimum intrusion in the autonomy of others because it is up to them to decide whether to take your hand. Even if it involves persuading my friend to believe in my set of values, that is still distinct from imposition because my rational friend has changed his mind after my convincing arguments, and his adoption of my set of values is an act of his free will. And that degree of influence is acceptable.


Now that's the superficial bit. But if we think a bit more deeply, what does 'help' actually entail?

There are always people less lucky than you - people who don't survive wars, people who starve, people who have lost their loved ones, people who have no money, and people who have been blighted by the recent snowstorm in china...and countless examples of people who 'need' your help.

To go to a different level, there can also be a 'people' eg the Albanians in Kosovo who 'need' international humanitarian intervention on the brink of severe human oppression. We've seen (arguably) successful examples of UN intervention eg in El Salvador, maybe Bosnia...

There's always so much one could do, but why should one intervene? Are we doing it out of concern for well being of others? Is that merely a matter of principle regardless of the actual effect? Or is that a pragmatic choice - if half of the money is going to be wasted by useless NGOs, why bother donating money?

And even if we come down to a statement of principle, is that concern really justified? There are a couple of fundamental assumptions in the argument for intervention:
1. we should do what is better.
2. what we advocate is better than the status quo.

I talked about universality of human rights with a friend before, and yes indeed that's part of the debate. How far does one set of values apply? Does it apply across the board? Does it apply only in a small cross-section of society? Or does it only apply to you yourself?

Is that what a culture/society is about - an environment in which people can share the same set of values?

Let's say, we all think killing is evil, and execution is a bad idea. Any state that still practises execution should be universally condemned, not least by Amnesty International.

But who is to judge which is better? And is it actually practicable to change anything? Sending a few boxes of aid to the children in Somalia will probably give them good food for a few weeks, and what's left next? Teaching rural children for two weeks will leave them with some arguably fresh input, but they still never manage to leave the village to get to a decent university and do what 'we consider to be decent education'.

So why the bother. Mind your own business, ladies and gentlemen.

Meaning of life

After bouts of negative emotions, light seems to be emerging at the end of the tunnel. (just to sound more sentimental). There are always bad days, and they will pass.

My sister wrote an email to me about her reflection on the meaning of life - actually I didn't consciously write about it.

My sister says it's a purpose driven life.

And she has given me a lovely quote from the Bible.

'You are the light of the world. A city on hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on the stand, and gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.'
matthew 5:14-16


I'm not a philosopher though I'd quite like my learned friend to enlighten me on the underlying philosophical debate.

But to me, I believe in determinism too, and life is not really up to us to control. An individual's life is only set in the wider context of fate and destiny - depending on, amongst others, where you are born, raised etc, who you meet in life, what you see the first time your reason has started to function...

We're all influenced by our environment and I think to the extent that all our 'choices' and 'purposes' are not really our own - they are all conferred or actually imposed upon us. Sometimes I think, ah this is an 'epiphany' - i know what i'm going to do now, as if there was a breakthrough. But actually if you think back, that comes from some day, somewhere, or someone.


I really dont know what life is about because this is all too complicated.

Everyone has different values and it is these values that inform us what we think life ought to be about. And many people who dare to stick their head out to say 'i have a different opinion' - they always seem to me to either have an extraordinary source of support in some way, or they withdraw from society.

It's not easy to be in the minority, and when you think everyone else has got it wrong.

It's even harder to express your stance clearly and tell everyone that they are fucking idiots.

It's however very easy to conform and go with the flow. That's probably the meaning of my life. To be driven by the leading stream of this chaotic era.

無論如何

到了牛屎彿後學到的是，把生活的一切都放棄，因爲你在這裡就是接受一種機械式的訓練．

本來，這就是一個很珍貴的機會，但無可奈何，這機會背負一個沉重的代價．

可能是一種提早被現實捆綁的困境．無論明天發生什麽事，世界不會為你而停下來．適者生存，弱肉強食，你不夠強悍，是自找的苦，但在這個生活節奏這麽快的社會，還是那一句：ｔｉｍｅ　ｗａｉｔｓ　ｆｏｒ　ｎｏ　ｍａｎ．

心裏很不舒服，因爲這個學期挺多事情發生了。剛剛知道一個好友的親友去世，最近我香港最好的朋友決定退學，我的姥姥和阿姨進醫院了，我自己的一塌糊塗，與友人的爭執，還有最近一連串的負面新聞，内地雪災，這失聰女教師自殺等等。

情緒很不穩定，總是起伏不定，因爲我還是太不成熟了。

有很多事情值得我開心，安慰，感動，甚至，我以爲這一個月自己重拾自己的理想，目標，人生的方向，慢慢把從前的那一股勁抓回來。

可是，我卻這麽軟弱。


在這裡只是想說，無論如何，重新站起來，勇敢繼續把路走下去，好好的走出一條漂亮的路。

我也跟自己說，無論如何，撐住，一定沒問題的。

An end

失聰女教師留書跳樓亡
受歧視苦讀成才 國際棋賽屢獲獎

I feel really sorry for this incredible teacher and chess prodigy. A very tough life indeed - to get used to deafness, and stand up from all the pains and discrimination, and to overcome all the difficulty in studying to get a degree and go abroad.

It seems no one would find out what was really going on in her mind apart from the letter. She probably kept everything to herself, poor thing.

She has been holding on to it all her life, and it was at that point she could not carry on any longer. Something enormous must have happened to make her take her life away.

自

今天想談“自”這個字。

大家第一個聯想到有“自”的詞是那個呢？

自己？自我？自大？自負？自誇？自信？自虐？自憐？自戀？自滿？自殺？

四字詞如自討苦吃？自食其果？ 自相矛盾？自強不息？自身難保？自力更新？自怨自艾？自投羅網？

等等，the list goes on。

爲什麽有這麽多 “自”的詞呢？而沒有譬如“他信"，"他大”等形容其他人的詞呢？爲什麽“自”永遠放在其他字前？

語言是爲了表達人的思想，文字的創造建基於概念的產生。

可能，原因是大家都比較愛想自己的事。西方人的勸告：mind your own business。中國也有差不多的説法：“先顧掂自己" 或 "人地的事" 或 "別多事" 或批判性一點說 “各家自掃門前雪”。



只是有感而發，心裏一直有個目標，別只顧自己，生命不是爲了自己的。

然而，我的生命卻充滿許多矛盾呢。與其這樣說，不如直接承認自己就是爲了自己。是嗎？


I like that.
'Get over it, the big damned world dont owe you a thing' (Eagles)

敢行，敢言

雖然最近本人得罪人多，稱呼人少，但在這單調生活中，沉悶的我是時候spice up my blog，所以我決定了用我講一些cynical和賤格的小趣事，調劑一下，而且娛樂大家。

首先是敢行。今天見到一位貌相二十多嵗的女性用布包裹着一個比嬰兒還大的雪白小熊，像抱小孩的把這小熊緊緊地抱在胸前。

我個人感到這女性的行爲特別前衛，而且難得，因爲她這樣做是需要很大的勇氣。

她這樣做，我有什麽資格取笑她？我只可以崇拜她，這一個小熊眷戀熱潮的先驅者。

第二是敢言。牛屎彿大學法律系圖書館內某女研究生的手提電腦失竊，雖然據悉她已把電腦鎖上，大家驚訝、同情、哀悼這一次損失。敢言的卻是電腦的原主，她居然叫大家捐款，最好每人至少捐一鎊，以助她重新添置新的一台電腦。我心想，原來大家都欠了她，強啊！

難得，這兩位女性敢行，敢言，這樣的話也說得出和行爲也做得出。

這不是完結，其實這是一個很有趣的社會道德價值觀的研究。

如果大家真的覺得她們這樣沒問題，恭喜，因爲你能看穿這社會的愚昧。